Rafa : Perkara Yang Perlu Dibuat Sebelum Menjual Alonso

Di dalam sibuk kita melayan desas-desus mengenai pemain tengah Liverpool, Xabi Alonso, saya terbaca satu artikel yang agak menarik di internet. Artikel ini hanyalah sebagai satu gurauan yang ditujukan kepada Pengurus Liverpool, Rafael Benitez jika pemergian Alonso tidak dapat lagi dihalang. Artikel ini mencadangkan 10 perkara yang perlu dilakukan oleh Rafa sebelum beliau membenarkan Xabi Alonso keluar dari Anfield. Saya hanya membacanya sebagai hiburan ringan yang ditulis oleh Mike Maguire dari goal.com. Sama-samalah kita lihat apa yang ditulis sebagai gurauan untuk Rafa :

10. Shave the goatee. C’mon now, Raf – it’s had a good run, but it’s time to move on. You need a fresh look. Maybe a Mohawk.

9. Throw away that heart-shaped pendant with a picture of Gareth Barry inside. The moment’s gone. He’s run off with Sparky Hughes and there’s nothing you can do about it – his bank balance is bigger.

8. Buy back Robbie Keane. With Xabi gone, someone will have to step into the first team – thus leaving a space open on the bench for the impish (and very, very expensive) Irishman.

7. Sell Fernando Torres and bring back Emile Heskey. Offloading your most influential players is all the rage, apparently. ‘El Nino’ suffered through injury last term, so he’s in danger of being traded in for an inferior, English equivalent (as per Xabi-Barry last summer).

6. Make David N’Gog captain. He is the future, of course, and will be an ‘Untouchable’ once Torres’ move to Tranmere Rovers is completed. The most talented Frenchman ever to grace Anfield, Bruno Cheyrou notwithstanding...

5. Quadruple Lucas’ wages. It’s about time his salary matched his contribution to the team. I mean, he’s Brazilian – so surely he deserves it?

4. Give Alvaro Arbeloa to Real Madrid for free – and promise never to humiliate them by a record margin again. Does what it says on the tin. Five-goal drubbings begone!

3. Sell his stake in Pukka Pies. Not only would this provide an instant revenue boost, but the lack of freebie pastries would save millions in cash that would usually be spent on ever-roomier suits.

2. Flog all the club’s league titles and European Cups to Manchester City. They need history, Rafa needs money. It’s a win-win situation.

1. Rename the Kop the ‘Michael Owen Stand’. It’d be every bit as popular with the fans as selling one of the best midfielders in Europe.

YNWA